Memorial Weekend....

This weekend was my birthday & we had a blast!! My brother & sis-in-law showed up with my niece on Friday morning and the fun kept coming until they left on Tuesday morning. Justus did really well with Leah but Zeke was pretty cranky on and off the whole time. Reguardless- we had plenty of family, friends & fun. And they will be back in about a month when we celebrate Leah & Zeke's first birthday.

Bethany and the kiddos were here each day as well so it was a very busy, busy time. The men put up the pool for us on Friday so that we could use it sometime during the weekend. I really thought it would be to cold but the kids got in and played for hours! We also went to see the third Pirates of the Carribean movie. And of course cooked out on Memorial Day.

If you throw in bath time, trips to Walmart and keeping the house presentable we ran out of time. It was like a mini vacation and we were all pretty tired by the end of four days.

TRYING for a picture of all the grandkids together. My baby grinch wasn't enjoying this moment at all.


Even the kiddy pool wasn't a hit at first. It did eventually warm up some so they came back to splash around.


Zeke on the slip n slide. The pool was a bit chilly but the babies liked this!


Drying out on the trampoline


Leah---fun in the sun (my niece)


Water Balloons!!!!


Andrew Thompson- Nathan's baby


Bathtime babies


My nephew Brandon wrote this for me on my birthday

WORDS WOMEN USE:

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying Stick it up your ----- (edited for content)

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to # 3

Just genius!!!!

Today I washed a load of water.....no clothes; simply water & soap. Need I say more????

My bebe's

The boys keep me on my toes so there is never a dull moment around here. Ezekiel absolutely adores Justus and is trying very hard to keep up. It's pretty funny to watch. For the most part Justus handles it pretty well. I am so thankful for that!

Justus has started pointing to letters & numbers and trying to identify them (incorrectly of course). I'm glad that he is finally taking interest. So this summer I want to work on that. He wasn't at all interested by them this time last year and I find that if I patiently wait until he's ready then it is so much easier than pushing him. We both enjoy the process so much more.

Ezekiel is growing by leaps & bounds. He likes to touch faces so he's learning boyd parts. So far sticking his finger up my nose is what gives him a kick. Believe me I avoid it at all cost but at least he knows what a nose is. Hehe. He also like ears & pulling out my earings -OUCH!!!!

He is also saying momma on a regular basis now. It's really cute. And he says 'num, num' when he's hungry. Sometimes he gets them confused or maybe I just hear it that way. He really likes balls & he will say ball too. Up to this point it's all been squeals & giggles so its great to hear him 'talk' a bit!!!

This week he has started taking more steps. He walked across the room in the nursery; I wish I had been there to see it!!!! At home he will take eight to ten steps at a time. Whew he is growing fast!!!!!

And now he's up from his nap so I've got to go.

Time for an update-

So, my world hasnt' fallen apart. And I've gotten lots of love from you all---Thanks!!!!!!

Hi.

Thirty minutes ago I swept & mopped my floors. Now it's covered with chicken nuggets, fries & juice. Gggggggrrrrrrrhhhhh!

Say a prayer for me when you get a chance. I have come to the conclusion that I am not satisfied with my life. And it is over the top overwhelming. I am not satisfied with myself, my marraige, my relationship with God, my parenting, the list could go on.

The past couple of days I have shed lots of tears. Whispered lots of prayers. And moped around wondering what is next for me in my life.

Frustrated doesn't even begin to describe it. Disappointment covers a portion of my emotions. Crazy is how I feel. Desperate is how I feel. Outraged is how I feel.

I am not one for confrontation -unless pushed to fight. I am good at forgiving, I am good at letting go. In general I am good at moving on. But at this point in my life I am pushed to fight. I HATE living a mediocer life!!!!!!!!!! But I have given all I have & there is nothing left. But my best has not been good enough. My best is lousy in comparison to my hopes.

My present FEELS worst than my past. That may not make a lot of sense. But I know what God has brought me from. I know that my present isn't all that bad, yet I am not satisfied.

Part of me feels guilty & ungrateful. I have been changed & brought from darkness to light. Still I am not satisfied. Still I struggle.

I am spent, empty. And desire to be broken & pieced back together. Yet I stay the same. I am not satisfied.

It seems that Sam and I share children. We share space. And that is all. But our desires are different. Our goals seem different. In short it seems we are going our own ways. I have lost respect for him. And it scares me. I want to respect & honor him but it is not with me. I am scared for our marraige. Honor & respect are a what a christian wife should do. I KNOW what to do -even knowing that we will be blessed if I obey it still seems an impossible goal.

Although Sam has things he needs to work on (don't we all) he doesn't deserve my attitude, thoughts, or this kind of exposure but I mean business. I need this release. Please pray for Sam.

Not to long ago I decided that since being a mom is ALL I do that I should be excellent at it. But I'm not. At least not right now. There are things I desire to do but don't. They deserve more than I am offering. Please pray for my children.

As for me. I lost my heart several years ago. Life as I knew it fell to pieces. And they haven't all been place back in the right spot. This sounds silly I know. But if I can allow myself to be broken one more time it may be worth it. To someone who is not a christian I probably sound CRAZY!!!! Even christians may be confused by this.....YIKES- I need God's help!

I am not satisfied. I am terrified. I do have hope. Please forgive me for laying such a personal thing out in the open....but I have very few outlets at this point. And I trust you to pray.

I know all the right answers. We will be fine, we'll work on our marriage, I will get past my emotions. Just right now at this moment I am facing a GIANT so to speak. And all I want to do is run the other way. But what I need to do is pick up a stone and start throwing!!!!!!

OK, that's all I can speak of for right now. I ask for your prayers and hope that I won't regret being so transparent. I love my husband & children but I'm not satisfied.

Zeke has a ear infection. Poor Baby. He is also just one ounce short of being 20lbs!!!!

Besides being outside my boys most enjoy bath time. They will play for a LONG time!

Lisa's surgery went well & she was able to go home that evening. They didn't find anything more than what was expected so we are thankful for that. Test results should be back this week that will determine if she has to go for chemo or radiation only. None of it is fun but chemo is way more stressful on the body so we're hoping that it isn't necessary! Thanks for your prayers. I'll keep you updated. Stack, I don't think you've ever met them but they are a really fun couple. Her husband Steve had been a great help to Sam with the youth. And their youngest kid is super busy like Justus so I don't worry that he's going overboard when we're at their house!