Out with it

Well, I finally got to the point where I needed to take a minute or two and journal. These past few months, weeks, and maybe even years have been difficult for our family. Most recently the death of my grandmother just sent me over the edge a bit. Sam came into the room to see me on the couch with tears streaming down my face. "What's wrong hun?". I honestly couldn't put a finger on any one thing. I guess I just needed to get it out.

Yesterday we buried her ashes at the cemetery not to far from home. I couldn't help but think of all the people every where who may be in pain. The families from 9/11. Dear friends who lost a daughter recently; whom I think of daily. And so on. And though I hate to question God the mind still asks--WHY. Why was this necessary? Is it for God's glory?? Who can compare to God anyway that he needs the glory.

And then all the guilty feelings for questioning a God who provides for my every need. It was nice to be held by my husband. Loved on by my BFF through text and cared for by my two year old...who must have known I needed a little TLC. Malachi came and sat with me on the couch and brushed my hair, it was the sweetest thing ever.

My mind is on overload on the list of things that I need to change in my life. And I came to a halt and now here I sit writing a bunch of mumbo jumbo but I don't care; it feels good to get it out. And since it would take a year to actually write it on paper you all get the benefit of reading my goofy thoughts.