Please pray...

A close friend is going through a divorce, unexpectedly. And I still feel horrible!

Depression Part II below.....

Unamed crudd.....

The doc couldn't say exactly what I have but put me on Azithromycin. Must be some kick butt stuff cause I only take it for 3 days. The pamphlet says it works for an additional 4-10 days. So I am hoping to see a change---tommorrow! I haven't coughed as much today so my muscles are relaxing a little. She said my throat looked like a brillo pad got a hold of it. No wonder it's been hurting. My head is still stuffy but at least I've got some help on the way.

Whatever it is is definetly viral, my mom has it now. Also my white blood count was high so I'm fighting something else too. I guess that's why the crudd has remained unnamed. Justus is a little less severe so he has a cough suppressant to help him sleep at night & something to break it up during the day. All in all I'm glad we went. The end.

To the doctors we will go

I'm not getting better but worse. Sounds like bronchitis but we will see. My back, ribs, stomach, throat, & head hurts. ICK!

Depression Part II

So, as we've seen everyone has their own experience with depression. And different ideas on how to deal with it. Prayer, support, medicine RX or natural, counseling. The only point I want to make is that we should deal with it. And not ignore it. Depression can range from mild to severe. And its effects can be the same. Temporary to very serious.

So I will share a little more for anyone who might want to know what I've found out or experienced. Again, it can be different for you.

First of all resources shared with us by our speaker. You'll have to check them out for yourselves.

Books:
Getting over the Blues by Leslie Vernick
New Light on Depression by David B. Biebel, Dmin. and Harold G Koenig, M.D.
Overcoming Depression by Neil T. Anderson
Honestly by Sheila Walsh (book about her personal battle with clinical depression).

Websites:

www.postpartum.net
National Institute of Mental Health www.nimhnih.gov
American Psychological Association www.apa.org
Depression and Bi-polar Support Alliance www.dbsalliance.org


Depression Screening Site www.depression-screening.org
Christian depressionpages www.Christian-depression.org
Women and depression www.psycom.net/depression.central.women

I haven't looked over these resources so you will have to search for yourselves & see if any of it is useful for you.


Here are some ways to help yourself and others.

Mild Depression:
Read God's word daily*
Face your feeling, don't deny them
Be as good to yourself as you are to other people
Know that you are not alone!*
Walking/exercise is a great way to ward off depression*
Realize that depression is an illness & your experience is real*
Volunteer
Keep a journal*
Provide structure & routine

How to avoid pitfalls:
Face the pain. Pain isn't your enemy; denial is!
Avoid dulling the pain with drugs & alcohol
Avoid "comfort" solutions- overeating, overspending, etc.
Don't insist that you can help yourself....GET HELP

Helping Others:
Don't judge
Don't say "snap out of it" You would if you could
Offer help, don't wait for them to ask
Reach out, so they won't be isolated
Listen!
Pray! With them and for them
Tell the truth, but speak it in grace and love.
Help the person trust God in all this.



And now for a little something personal. My thoughts on my experiences. To begin with, my stomach is in knots. I don't want to blab it all out but I do want to share what will help others.


My first memories of depression are from my early teen years. I had little self worth, lots of tears and was very isolated. Most of this was caused by my fathers outbursts; which I eventually learned how to deal with. During that time I often thought of suicide but knew it was wrong in God' eyes. And I was too scared to go threw with it.

So I wrote stupid poetry. And went to church every time the doors were open. Music was also good therapy.

Christmas was always a hard time for me. I had very mixed emotions. It was my favorite time of year family wise. Somehow we were able to get along and be nice to each others. But it was difficult socially. I felt like I didn't fit in. I wasn't loved. This was during high school.

The answer then, EAT & isolate. I've always been overweight and been a loner so to speak. Off & on in high school those habits seemed to escalate. However, as God is so good I always had friends who were there to support me. My mom was always willing to listen whenever I told her anything.

Again church & a few close friends were enough to do the trick.

During the MC years there was very little time to get the blues. But once we moved to Ohio I had a hard adjustment. You go from being surrounded by support & friends to being the New one in the bunch. Sam & I were very close those first few years. We did all kind of silly things to keep ourselves busy. But anytime I had a pity party some food joined me too.

Most of the above bouts were just up & down times that lasted a week or so at a time. Nothing major or long lasting.

Next came Florida. I pretty much did OK while we were there. Our first year we were extremely busy putting together our MC program and the second year I was pregnant with Justus so I pretty much slept all I could. This is where my biggest battle began. Sam and I were growing apart and I had a lot of anxiety. Something wasn't right. But I didn't know who to turn to.

When Sam lost his job we were both devastated. Talk about being depressed! I lost interest in everything but Justus. I was angry with Sam, constantly looked into the past with all the what ifs. etc. I wondered where God was, felt helpless. Every little thing was overwhelming. I felt guilty for my thoughts, ate everything in site & was constantly tired! Of course Justus was two weeks old so I guess some of the tiredness could be explained away.

This has lasted for almost two years. Many of the symptoms come & go. Not all of them hitting at the same time. But there is always something in the back of my mind asking "what's next". Many times Iook forward to what's next. Many times I just get scared. Do I consider myself depressed??? No. But I do know that I must deal with the symptoms. As they come or they may overwhelm me again.

What attributes to my sucess?? Friends, family, and faith! This disease runs in my family. My great grandfather commited suicide, my grandfather attempted it & my father spoke of it often when I was growing up. My mother has been on medication at extremely difficult times in her life. I have seen depression in myself, my sister and brother. It's not going away.

But, I have HOPE! I have FAITH. I have GOD. SO far medication hasn't been needed but if it comes to that I will carefully consider the pro's & con's. Weigh it out & pray for wisdom. Again, I don't consider myself depressed. But I know I deal with tendencies, I know my own personal pitfalls & limitations. I don't hestitate to ask for prayer. Or pick up the phone for help. Dang, I even share some of my junk with you. And for that I am thankful.

God has provided the tools I need to live a life for him. He has been so faithful, around every corner I know he is there. And around every corner it is him who makes a way. So I leave off with a verse I shared earlier....

Isaiah 45:3 "I will give you treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Isreal who summons you by name."

And I have found it to be true. Having been through the darkness I am able to see others who struggle. I recognize much easier. Darkness isn't always so scary, if you know whom you trust.

Later in this same chapter it say this : " I call you by your name, I name you, though you do not know me. I equip you, though you do not know me. I form light and create darkness, I make well being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all these things.

That is from several verses, pieces that shot out at me. Reminding me that he knows & understands, he allows things to happen. For his own reasons. Even when we are far, he is near. When we are unaware, he has a plan. Not trying to babble but just say that good or bad, there is a reason. There is a way to make it through. And God already knows the outcome.

Depression Hurts

Have you guys seen those commercials lately??? I have seen them alot. It asks the question: who does it hurt? Answer:everyone. And so on.

Well, yesterday our MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) guest speaker spoke about depression. The myths & truths of it all. This lady came prepared with more than a dozen books she had read through and 3 years worth of testimony about her own depression. And of course what God had done in her. Including how she deals with depression even now.

Since I have dealt with depression myself I wanted to share some highlights & maybe a few low points in my own journey. And of course share what our speaker helped us to understand. Since April you have shared in some of my low points and have been a great support for me.

That is a great step in dealing with depression. Having a support system. The neat thing is that you don't have to be side by side to support each other. It's kind of intersting to think of b/c when I was a new Christian I prayed that God would send me friends to understand me. Who I could "run" to in time of need. It seemed that HE wasn't enough b/c he wasn't physically there. Now I know the true meaning of friendship I am thankful for each of you. And a God to sticks closer than a brother even when we can't see!


So here is a sample the technical stuff.

#1Warning lights:
Low self-esteem, self-worth. Loss of interest, things (forgetfulness).
Irretable, Isolated, increase of appetite, identity crises
Guilt- God where are you? Guilt over anger
Heredity, hopelessness, helpless
Trouble planning, tears, tired,tasks become overwhelming
Sad, sickness & self talk (I'll be happy when, I can't, what- if thinking)

As always everyone is different. Having some of these sign doesn't necessarily mean you are depressed. They could be warning symptoms resulting from issues you have dealt with or aren't dealing with but need to, etc.


#2 Things you should know about depression:
1 in 5 women will experience depression in her lifetime
Depression is the number one cause of disability in women
20% of women will experience postpatum deprssion ANYTIME during the first year.

The impact of untreated depression on the brain is enormous. There is an area of the brain that generates new cells, untreated depression is associated with irreversible damage to this area. Depriving the brain of the ability to replace aging & dying cells. The brain effects of untreated depression can affect other organs of the body.
(Getting over the blues pg. 23)

* That point scared me a little bit b/c most people don't want to admit depression. Knowing that it doesn't only affect your thoughts but your body as well made me listen really closely.

#3 Other symptoms of Depression:
Aches & pains not explained by other medical conditions- physical
Sleep disturbances (insomnia, extreme fatigue)-physical
Constant dissappointment with self or others-emotional
Feeling NUMB-emotional
ANXIETY-emotional
Trouble making decisions-mental
Inability to concentrate-mental
Feeling abandoned or rejected by God-spiritual
Lack of purpose, sense of emptiness-spiritual
Withdrawl- relational


What can you do???

Make yourself a priority!

*Talk with others: Women are relational, we function best when well connected with each other.
*Learn to identify & change patterns that may have contributed to depression.
*Stop blaming yourself for physical limitations and/or weaknesses.
*Let go of emotions that paralyze you: guilt, self pitty, anger. Whatever they may be.
*Be able to say NO! Don't let others agenda's throw you off of what God has for you. (easily said, hard to do!)
*Consider that pride may be an issue, not being able to recognize ourselves as imperfect.

What about anti-depressants?

We tend to completly cut this thought out as soon as it is suggested. WHY? Fear of addiction. "I'm a christian, I'm stronger than that". Not being able to be in control...not knowing how our body will react. I personally have thought ALL of these things.

Simple thoughts:
Depression can't be cured by taking medicine alone.
Research has shown that individual therapy to be as effective as medication
Only GOD can give us the unfailing love we crave!
He loves us not because we are worthy but because he chooses to. We don't have to prove ourselves to him. His love is unconditional.
Recognize the strengths God has developed in you through experiencing depression.


Verses of comfort:

Psalm 91:4 " He will cover you with his feathers, and under his winds you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield & rampart."

Isaiah 40:29 "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."

Isaiah 45:3 " I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Isreal, who summons you by name."
THIS IS MY FAVORITE!!! (above)

So many times I have felt darkness all around me. This verse reminds me that there are treasures there too, even when I it is too dark to see them.



OK, I've decided to do a part two. This is getting way to long. Sorry if this is of no interest to you. I just need to share.

Obviously still having problems posting pics.

To see them at a normal view go to tma.buzznet.com There are 10 or so new pics I put up today. Sorry it's such a pain! Or do it the easy way as I just found out & click on a pic. It should take you directly there.

Promised pics of the "orpan annie" do

These are pics on day one of my cold, this past Sunday on a decent hair day, & then this AM after a horrible night of sneezing, coughing, & snot. Definetly the works of a tired, pregnant woman. The normally sane me wouldn't put these horrible pic up for the world to see.

My stomach hurts from sneezing so much & I need to change shirts, that junk just flyes out everywhere. Blah!

Pet peeves & weird things about me

1.All my clothes must be on the same color hanger (black) and face the same way.
2. At night the following items must always be at my side: bottle of water, chapstick, & flashlight. Also a drink & extra diaper for Justus in case he wakes up.
3. I hate it when parents scream at their kids in public. However, I have been so close to doing the same I can understand it.
4. Bathtubs gross me out. I have to clean my tub with bleach BEFORE every bath. I also rinse off in the shower afterwards, just in case.
5. I have an odd habit of picking my feet up off the floor. When I sit in a chair my feet are almost always resting on something else.

6.Long preaching ticks me off. I almost always lose interest, no matter how good it is.
7. I hate to be tickled. I seriously get angry.
8. I still prefer side hugs & get confused when a guy gives me a regular hug.
9. Dirty fingernails make me gag!
10. I am a stinky housekeeper. Which is even worse now that I'm a stay at home mom. When J was born all my organization skills skipped town and haven't returned!

Hope this is satifying to you...I enjoyed reading yours!

Vision casting

That is basically what our pastor did today and it was geat. He didn't really preach but covered some points that God spoke to him during this week. We had a churchwide fast this past week and several things were confirmed in the hearts of our people and our pastor. Pretty Cool.

Praise & worship was good. And after that we announced the partners in vision (new members). After the service was the new members dinner. Our church is pretty small but after only a year I'd say that we have gained around 75 new members. It's pretty neat watching this small group grow.

Within the next two years we will be building a new sanctuary. Something that our pastor has been talking to us about since we have been here. The way he put a seed of vision out today was really eye opening. The place where the new santuary will be built is right by the road. The only thing on that space is an apple tree which represents the fruit that our church will bare. It is also the space that we use for our outreaches now, so there has already been seed planted there. A cool thought to me.

Justus went straight into his room without one single tear and stayed the entire time. I thought I heard someone screaming once or twice but it wasn't him. Yeah, I get to go to church!!! One quick prayer request, Justus & I both have colds. Sneezing ,coughing, headache & sore throat. Hopefully it wont last too long.

More pregnancy moments...

Today was my doctors appointment, all is well so I will get to that part in a minute. I guess I'll start from the beginning. First I had to shave my legs just because I was going to the doctor. And I wasn't sure what all would be happening this time. I noticed later that I missed a few spots but am overall glad I took the extra time.

Secondly, we were running slightly late. Our babysitter cut out on us & we had Justus. So that made it more interesting. On my way in from the parking lot to the office I stepped ankle deep into fresh concrete. I shook most of it off but that made me cry b/c it's one of the few pairs of pants that fit. Thankfully most of it cleaned off in the bathroom but I made some poor woman mad because it took several minutes to get that crap off my pants & shoes. Then clean up the sink and the floor.

Then they were running late. I was there at 10 o'clock & went in for the ultrasound by 10:30. It was an internal.......had NOT planned for that. I only had one ultrasound w/Justus. And it wasn't internal...remember Justus was with us today so that made it extra special.

After that was the wait to see the doctor. It took forever, she was running late. I waited another 2 hours to be seen by her. We didn't leave until 1. I was starving but happy that it was finally over! Then we went to Olive Garden & used our last gift card from Christmas. The food was great & now I have heartburn.


And now for the report: We got to see the head, body, arms, legs etc. And most of all the heartbeat. That was the first thing I noticed. So cool!!! The heartrate was 160. No twins for me. They changed my due date from mid July to the 28th. That didn't make me too happy. But what can I do. I go back in a month for a regular check up & in 5 weeks to try and find out the gender. Hope that works out.

Oh yeah, I lost two pounds. My doc said that is normal & the most I need to gain is 20 pounds. I hope to stay closer to the 10 pound number like I did with Justus. Don't worry, starving myself is my style. I just eat healthier when pregnant. That way I have less heartburn and more gas!!

Have to give props to you stack. I'm not sure how you put in your 10-12 hour days all the time. By 4pm I was pooped!!! I layed down for an 1/2 hour and felt refreshed so that was nice. And that's about it for my pregnancy moments for today.

Oh wait I take that back. For all those who puke your way through pregnancy, I finally had my moment. I had some mucus junk at the back of my throat today. When I coughed I got gagged & up came all the water I had been drinking along with some of that nasty mucus. Puking is the most disgusting things ever. YUK! Another pregnancy moment.

Bad Hair Day

SO I got a perm a few weeks ago. And as you know having perfect hair just isn't my thing. I most liked my hair when it was long enough to put it in a pony tail & forget it. Sam begs me to grow it out like that again but I'm in the frame of mind that fat girls dont look so good with long hair. So I have tried many things. Highlights, dark brown hair, short & spikey, etc. So I decided to get a perm & now I look like orphan annie when she first wakes up in the morning. Big fuzzy hair. Oh, well. I tried.

Since getting the perm my hair actually looks best when I wash it, put a lil' bit of gel on it & then sleep on it. So wierd! YOu haven't seen a pic b/c I can't get my pic thing to post my pics to my blog. I contacted the peeps but so far no one has responded. Anyways I will try to get sam to take a pic of orphan annie put it up on buzznet.

LOL

This morning before we got out of bed we were having Justus point to his body parts. Hair, eyes, elbow...then I said where is your neck??? He put his fist in the air & said "NAKED!!!!!!!". It was so funny at the moment. Not sure if it translates so well but sam & I laughed for several minutes and Justus joined in just for the fun of it.

He also says funny stuff like- Help you or hold you instead of help me/hold me. And outside, me go. It's neat to see him "talking" in sentences.

Krispy Kreme Fiasco

OK pregnancy is a pain in the butt for the husbands too. For example: Two weeks ago I mention that KK sounded good but we were running out of time so I said maybe next week. The next week Sam asked if I wanted some & I said no, they just sounded good at the time. So on Friday he brought home donuts. He wanted to surprise me. Poor guy didn't get the kind I liked & I was a BUTT! HE just went to the other room and sat down. Truthfully I tried no to say anything but he asked what kind I liked & I told him. He discovered that he didn't get the specific kind I had been craving. And said I just wanted to surprise you. And I said something smart alec. BAD ME!!! Eventually I ate some of the donuts he got (after pouting for an hour or so) and they were GREAT. I apologized! We ladies aren't the only ones with a rough 9 months.

Kaboom!

Last night I finally had my first cry since being pregnant. Sam & I are going to look for stuff for our Valentine's banquet coming up. So I made sure he didn't have any plans for Saturday so we could spend the day together. So when all of the sudden he said "we'll be back by 4 and I can watch the football games" I got my feelings hurt. And he's like WHAT?? what's wrong?

I don't know, maybe I just want a day for the two of us. He said we should be back by then so what was the problem??? The problem for me was that he was already making plans to do something else. Instead of enjoying our time together. Maybe it's the pastor in him, always trying to think ahead. But for that time, I just wanted a husband dang it!!!

This happens pretty frequently so I shouldn't really be caught off guard but it just hit me the wrong way. Last weekend we decided to use a gift card to go eat. We had a good time, Justus made us laugh the entire time. I thought that maybe we could go rent a movie or something. As soon as we got it the car he said, I think I'm gonna ask the boys to play basketball. OMG, can't you wait to do something with others!!!!!!!

We have had several discussions about this but I can't seem to say it in a way he understands it. I want time with you for myself!!!!!!! Or just familt time with the three of us. So, I cried for a few minutes, sniffled, coughed & eventually could breath again. I hate going to bed like that-we were already there. So I prayed for a few minutes before finally just waiting for sleep to claim me. I didn't sleep to well, so today should be just dandy!

uuuuurrrgggggggghhhhhhhh

Justus is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!! IT has been ONE of THOSE days. As much as he usually amuses me today he has driven me crazy. Here is the short list of stuff we've dealt with today.

1. Throwing toys out the window that has no screen into the rain & dirt.
2. Pulling clean clothes off the hanger & throwing them onto the crumby floor
3. Why is the floor crumby?? B/c daddy gave Justus a piece of cake & let him walk around with it while mommy went to the bathroom. (I had just vacuumed too!~)
4. Climbing onto the dresser, & getting the lotion which is now everywhere. Carpet, concrete, J's hair.etc.
5. Pulling the pennies out of papa's change container & throwing them all over the place while mommy helps clean the kitchen after supper. (No other adults were around to stop him).
6. Taking 15 minutes to pick up blocks instead of 2.

Now for the good my baby did:

Helped me with laundry- I hand him the clothes from washer & he puts them into the dryer and shuts the door.
Took a nap for an hour so I could too.
Helped pick up the toys he had scattered around all day.

Maybe I'm just having a bad day. IT doesn't really have much to do with my youngen'

The Downy Ball

Everyone jokes about your brains going to mush when you are pregnant. I personally think it's true. What they don't tell you is that you rarely recover your full brain capacity. ON the up side your heart grows much, much bigger. And your patience, even if you don't want it to.

Today I put the clothes detergent in the downy ball instead of the fabric softner. At least I caught myself before it was too late. But that load of laundry got an extra dose of detergent. I couldn't quite figure out how much detergent went into the ball before I dumped it out.

I used to use dryer sheets but someone said it can cause your dryer to go out faster. NOT sure if its true but once I used liquid softener I was hooked.

I found the ledger...now to work on the numbers. Sweet relief!!!

Quick praise report...

My sister got a job & started today!!! God is really looking out for her. THanks for your prayers.


In other news...no ledger, & no report from mom's MRI. Keep praying!

Yikes

I have misplaced the ledger book for MOPS & it's time to do the budget for second semester. Not a good thing. I spent 3 hours last night looking for it. To no avail. My house needs a good "spring" cleaning so I guess that's what I will be doing this week. Oh lord, please have mercy on this pregnant woman.

I thought all the money stuff was together but I was WRONG. I've got to find it quickly!!! Our next meeting is the 24th, two weeks from tommorrow.

3 in a row

I'm doing OK on my goal to be more commited to spiritually important things. Today was my third week in a row making it to church. I ended up in the nursery b/c we went to the first service and the workers did not show up. IT was still good though I got to know one of the teenage spanish girls. She brought in a little girl and I played with her for a while. After that she & Justus entertained themselves which was nice. Hopefully next week will be a sucess too!

Quick update

My appointment was fine without any big happenings. Did the pee in a cup, bloodwork, family history thing. We listened for the heartbeat but couldn't get a good sound. It did show up on the nurses monitor so that was enough for me.

Moms MRI was OK. She got through it & doesn't want to do it again but they didn't have to drug her or anything like that.

And my sister Bethany has a interview for a new job on Monday.

Thanks to each of you who made a comment, said a prayer or gave me a call. I really appreicate it so, so much!! Thank you my friends!!!!!!! I am so blessed!!

Prayers

I have a lot of prayers on my heart today. The first on my list is my doctors appointment tommorrow. I'm excited about hearing the baby's heartbeat. That to me will be the best confirmation of all. We are leaving Justus at home with my mom and brother so it shouldnt be overly stressful.

Secondly I talked to my sister today. She has been on my mind for several days but I just hadn't gotten around to calling her. Today I did & now I know the reason she was on my mind. She quit her job. This in ordinary circumstances wouldn't be great. But since she is the only one working it's extra scary.

Bethany has this pattern. Do good for a while & then blow it. It's a self-destruct thing she does. And it's very frustrating to see her goes through this. Especially since she has three kids. Good news is that she is already out looking for another job instead of wallowing in self pity.

She such an awsome girl, I wish she could just get it into her head that God has awesome, wonderful things for her. She needs major guidance but she has to be the one to seek it. We've all tried to share with her but she isn't very receptive. Even though she knows the truth.

Lastly is my mother. She is scheduled for an MRI this friday to the tune of $3,500! Yikes!! Medical care is riduculous if you don't have insurance. She is very discouraged that "she" is going to put the family in debt. I've tried to tell her that she has been taking care of everyone else for years & now it's time to take care of herself.

So I'm praying for comfort & that she won't freak out while the tests are being ran. I'm going to go with her, even though I won't be able to be in the room she will know I'm there.

There are my thought for today.

A pregnant women's thoughts..........

So far this has been a different kind of pregnancy for me. I've had lots of extra gas(sweet revenge) & other stomach problems we won't discuss. My sense of smell is way EXTREME, one body wash that I use fairly often bugs the crap out of me now. And I don't sleep as much as I did while pregnant with Justus even though I want to.

Is this a sign of a different sex or is every pregnancy just different?? I guess I'll just have to wait & see. I go for the routine pee in the cup, weigh-in etc. this week and I'm glad that the insurance junk is finally in order. I'm twelve weeks & haven't even seen the nurse yet. Since I'm this far along I will get to hear the heartbeat this time.

I remember with Justus they couldn't find the heartbeat so they did an ultrasound. I was scared to death until we saw it. In the back of my mind I'm a little scared something similar could happen this time. I've been praying for peace a lot. Sam is very reasurring but I'm naturally a worrier.

However I do "feel" pregnant: waves of nasau(sp), hungry every hour on the hour, & lots of headaches. Sad as it is those symptoms have brought me some comfort. Oh yeah...I fell FAT!.. And the worst part is_ I am. I never lost weight after Justus only gained it. So now some of my maternity clothes don't even fit. That really sucks b/c as you know they are way to expensive.

Having said all that I am so EXCITED about being pregnant so I'll take the good and the bad and roll with it.....yipee I'm gonna have another baby!!!!!!! Yea, thank you God for this blessing!!!!

I will also go for an ultrasound later in the month, it will still be to early to tell the sex but I'm still excited to see the "alien" baby. And we have decided that it doesn't have to be a boy after all. A little girl wouldn't be all that bad. That's a big step for us cause we really wanted two boys. But Justus has such astrong personality I think a little sister might mellow him out some. Who knows.

I could keep on rambling but I'll save some for next time.

Redeeming the time

Happy New Year to each of you! Today has been good so far. Justus stayed in the nursery again...yea!!!! And he only cried for five minutes. When I dropped him off they asked me how long to let him cry, I said 15 minutes. That's a long time to listen to my child- he's very loud. Fortunately he stopped sooner rather than later. It's getting easier for him to be without me. And that's just fine with me.

Our pastor spoke about the new year of course with emphasis on redeeming the time. I personally have a lot of redeeming to do. 2005 did not mark any spirtual highs at all. I basically struggled through the entire year with a bad attitued knowing I should be doing better.

PD (pastor dave) spoke about knowing the will of God for your life & not getting all worked up about it. But that it is our responsiblity to simply obey. And follow the voice of the master. That sounds so difficult! But having gone through the past year I think that obeying just might be easier than ignoring God's plan.

Being in God's will can actually be a lot of fun. So that is my goal. And my confession. What are your goals for this year???